Men Lie The Most, Women Tell The

Dude, I Didn't Say Jude Law Can't Act. I Didn't Say Jude Law Was In Bad Movies. I Just Said He's In Every Movie.

Is America Ready For A Black President? Well, I Say We Just Had A Retarded One. When Did Being Black Become A Bigger Deterrent Than Being Retarded?

Are They Real Fires? Or Are People Just Reacting To Something? Just Because There’s An Alarm Going Doesn’t Mean It’s A Fire. And I Think That People Are Confusing The Two. It’s Only A Fire When It Offends The Fans, And The Fans Turn On You. Tosh Has Fans, And They Get The Joke. If You’ve Watched Enough Tracy Morgan, You Let The Worst Thing Go By. When Did Tracy Morgan Become Walter Cronkite? You Have To Mean Something To Me To Offend Me. You Can’t Break Up With Me If We Don’t Date.

I Never Really Write The Jokes. I Just Sit Down Over A Week Or Two And Try To Figure Out What I Want To Talk About. Once I Narrow That Down, Then I Start Working On The Material, Like "how Do I Make This Stuff Funny?"

I'm In Show Business... I Want To Hang Out With Janet Jackson, Not Jesse Jackson.