You Know Those Guys That Go To

Learn How To Cook. Read Books That Will Educate You. Get An Education. Get A Career. And Support Yourself. And Live In A Section Of Town That Isn't Conducive To Violence.

I Used To Have Horrible Cars That Would Always End Up Broken Down On The Highway. When I Tried To Flag Someone Down, Nobody Stopped. But If I Pushed My Own Car, Other Drivers Would Get Out And Push With Me. If You Want Help, Help Yourself - People Like To See That.

You Know You're Rich When You Have To Drive For A Half Hour To Get To Your House Once You're On Your Property.

Karaoke Isn't Fair When You're A Comedian. The Whole Idea Is To Get People Laughing And Enjoying Themselves, And I'm A Professional Funny Guy.

Comedy Is A Group Activity, A Verbal Orgy.