Martha Stewart Was Found Guilty On All

Scientists Believe That Monkeys Can Be Taught To Think, Lie And Even Play Politics Within Their Community. If We Can Just Teach Them To Cheat On Their Wives We Can Save Millions On Congressional Salaries.

Astronomers Have Discovered A Planet That Is Twice The Size Of Earth And Made Of Diamonds. President Obama Says The Planet May Be Inhabited By Aliens Not Paying Their Fair Share.

I Watched That New Reality Show On Abc With Charlie Gibson, 'america's Next Top Vice President.' ... Oh, What An Exciting Show That Is! Did You See Sarah Palin's Interview With Charlie Gibson? Did You All Watch That? In Fact, John Mccain Was Watching It At Home, And At One Point, He Turned To His Wife And Said, 'she Looks Really Familiar.'

The Canadian Prime Minister Said Canada Would Lend The U.s. Its Full Military Support. You Know What That Means: Both Tanks.

The Pentagon Still Has Not Given A Name To The Iraqi War. Somehow 'operation Re-elect Bush' Doesn't Seem To Be Popular.