Life's But A Day At Most.

From Paris We Took The Orient Express To Vienna. I Must Say I Was Terribly Disappointed; Nobody Was Murdered On The Train.

I Would Read Playboy More Often, But My Glasses Keep Steaming Up.

And God Said 'let There Be Satan, So People Don't Blame Everything On Me. And Let There Be Lawyers, So People Don't Blame Everything On Satan.'

When Asked In His Late 90s If His Doctor Knew He Still Smoked, Burns Said, 'no ... He's Dead.'

Lots Of People Have Asked Me What Gracie And I Did To Make Our Marriage Work. It's Simple - We Don't Do Anything. I Think The Trouble With A Lot Of People Is That They Work Too Hard At Staying Married. They Make A Business Out Of It. When You Work Too Hard At A Business You Get Tired; And When You Get Tired You Get Grouchy; And When You Get Grouchy You Start Fighting; And When You Start Fighting You're Out Of Business.