Life's But A Day At Most.

Retire? I'm Going To Stay In Show Business Until I'm The Only One Left

People Are Always Asking Me How Much I'm Worth. Well, All I Can Say Is, I've Got Enough Money To Last Me The Rest Of My Life. As Long As I Die In The Next 20 Minutes.

I'm At The Age Now Where Just Putting My Cigar In Its Holder Is A Thrill.

I'd Say That About 82 Percent Of What I Write Is Bad, But Don't Go By Me; I'm As Bad A Judge As I Am A Writer. Look, If It Were All Good, You'd Be Paying Twice As Much For This Book.

When You Stop Giving And Offering Something To The Rest Of The World, It's Time To Turn Out The Lights.