Let No Man's Deathbed Be A Futon.

When Someone Asks You The Question 'are You Ticklish' It Doesn't Matter If You Say Yes Or No, Cause They're Going To Touch You. If Someone Asks If You're Ticklish And You Don't Want To Be Touched You Should Something Like 'i Have Diarrhea, Now Don't Touch Me Cause You'll Make It Come Out... And Yes I'm Very Ticklish'.

What's This About Rice Milk? I Didn't Even Know Rice Had Nipples!

When People Show Me Pictures Of Their Kids, It's Okay. But When I Give Them A Picture Of Me, To Show To Their Kids, I'm Weird. What Kind Of One Way Street Is That?

Suicide Is The #1 Killer Of A Person Who Is In A Boat And Happens To Be Passing Under A Bridge At The Wrong Time.

In America, One Sure Sign Of Success Is The Presence Of An Unnecessary Waterfall In A Person's Yard.