Learn All The Rules... Then Break Them.

It's A Cosmic Joke That I'm A Lesbian, Because I Understand Men So Well But Women Are A Complete Mystery To Me.

As A Standup, I Try To Change The World. As An Entertainer, I Try To Entertain. And As A Lesbian, I Try To Pick Up The Prettiest Girl In The Room.

Never Point At Anything Beige And Call It Cool.

Straight Girls Like Me. They Flirt With Me To Get Whatever They Want. Of Course It Works.

They Are Preserving The Sanctity Of Marriage, So That Two Gay Men Who've Been Together For Twenty-five Years Can't Get Married, But A Guy Can Still Get Drunk In Vegas And Marry A Hooker At The Elvis Chapel! The Sanctity Of Marriage Is Saved!