Larry King Is So Old, He's Actually

I'll Be Very Busy, Which Is All I Need.

What Do They Call That Hat Jewish Guys Always Wear? A Yankees Cap.

You Know How Everybody Has That One Weird Creepy Uncle? Well, Seth Green Looks Like He Got Raped By All Of Them.

A Couple Of Months Ago, I Gave My Girlfriend Some Fancy Lingerie, And She Actually Got Mad At Me. She Said, 'anthony, I Think This Is More Of A Gift For You Than It Is For Me.' And I Said, 'if You Want To Get Technical, It Was Originally A Gift For My Last Girlfriend.'

I've Got A Long History Of Suicid In My Family; The Good News Is It Skips A Generation, So, If I'm Lucky, My Kids Will Kill Themselves.