Lance Armstrong Admitted He Used Performance-enhancing Drugs

Here's A Tip For All You Aspiring Young Comics: Don't Beat Up The Customers. It Is Very Difficult To Get Laughs From An Audience When You've Actually Drawn Blood From One Of Their Number. It Kills The Mood.

I'm Always A Bit Shy Around Evil People.

I Love The United States. I Have Applied For Citizenship. I Want To Take The Oath Of Allegiance On Tv.

Every Year There's A Jury At The Cannes Film Festival. Getting On The Jury Is Very Competitive In France. Not Because The French Love Cinema, But Because They Love To Judge.

That's The Thing About Terrorism - It Works. Especially For The Terrorists - They Might Not Get What They Want But It Feels Damn Good Trying.