Kids Love To Be Silly, They Love

I Take My Coffee Like I Take My Women... Strong... Black... And Proud.

You Can't Write A Children's Book That Takes More Than Five Or Six Minutes To Read, Because It Will Drive The Parents Batty. It Has To Be Compact. Nobody Thinks About The Parents When They Write These Stupid Books. I Could Write Longer Children's Books, But It Would Actually Be Bad If I Did.

I Don't Think I Was Awake For Much Of My Childhood. I Did A Lot Of Napping. This Might Have Been A Defensive Measure Against Encroaching Depression. Until About The Age Of Eleven Or Twelve, I Had Zero Interests Other Than Trying To Steal Gumballs From Supermarket Gumball Machines.

I Don't Watch That Much Comedy. I Think It's Professional Jealousy. That And A Lack Of Support For My Community.

The Atkins' Diet Is Where You Eat Bacon For Six Or Seven Months...and The End Result Is That You Lose Weight. Because You're Dead.