I've Upped My Standards. Now, Up Yours.

I'm Often Asked Why I Travel Around The Country Talking Politics. Is It For Humanitarian Reasons, Community Spirit, Or Is It For The Money, The Limousines Or The Girls? The Answers Are: No, No, Yes Yes Yes!

I Read An Article That Said One In Five Americans Thinks Elvis Is Alive. I Want To Find Those Morons And Get Them Registered To Vote For Me.

Actually, My Wine Was Served At The White House Twice. Reagan Must Have Been Asleep When He Ordered It.

The Clinton Administration Has Turned Out To Be A Boon. I Knew That He Would Be Wonderful, I Just Knew It From The Beginning. From Arkansas? Shoot.

We Have Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself...and Of Course The Boogieman.