I've Never Been A Conceited Person Or

I Think My New Iphone 5s Is Broken. I Pressed The Home Button And I'm Still At Work

Alcohol Is Like Photoshop For Real Life

I've Got No Dark Secrets, I Wasn't Beaten Up, My Parents Were Kind To Me And There Was A Low Crime Rate Where We Lived. Maybe That's Where The Comedy Comes From, As Some Sort Of Reaction To The Safe, Boring Suburbs.

I'd Love To Become Like Bill Murray, Who Was So Funny On 'saturday Night Live' And Has Gone On To Do Some Of The Landmark Comedies People Like. And Then To Add This Whole Other Phase To His Career With 'lost In Translation' And 'rushmore.' I Always Felt To Be Able To Have Something Similar To That Would Be Great.

Sleep Is So Cute When It Tries To Compete With The Internet.