I’m Just A Big, Hairy, American Winning

Before You Marry A Person, You Should First Make Them Use A Computer With Slow Internet To See Who They Really Are.

In The Fourth Grade, I Learned How To Fake Walking Into A Door. You Know, You Hit It With Your Hand And Snap Your Head Back. The Girls Loved It.

In Every Circle Of Friends There's Always That One Person Everyone Secretly Hates. Don't Have One? Then It's Probably You.

You Tend To Get Reluctant To Talk About Anything Until The Day Before Filming.

Whenever Someone Calls Me Ugly I Get Super Sad And Hug Them, Because I Know How Tough Life Is For The Visually Impaired.