I've Been Outed As A Christian.

Bacon Is Like The Opposite Of Medicine. It's Like, "take That, Lipitor."

I Do Kind Of Aspire To Do Comedy That Appeals To A Wide Range Of Audiences And Doesn't Divide People. I Never Want To Do Material That Makes People Laugh At The Expense Of Making Other People Feel Bad - Not To Say I'm Not Guilty Of That At Times. ... I Try And Make Humor Out Of The Really Important Issues Of The Day, Like Hot Pockets And Elevators And Not Wanting To Get Out Of Bed.

Comedy Is A Very Lucrative Business Now, But When Everyone First Went Into It, It Didn't Make Sense From A Financial Standpoint.

I'm Not Saying That Mcdonald's Gift Certificates Caused The Obesity Epidemic, But In Retrospect, The Timing Is Kind Of Suspicious.

I Try To Only Eat Animals That Are Vegan. I'm Probably The Opposite Of A Vegan.