It's Never A Good Deal When Only

Speaking Of Birthdays, Our Firstborn [recently Turned 2]. As Parents Sometimes Fondly Do, We Reminisced A Bit About His Early Days On Earth-the Excitement, The Wonder, The Fears When We Brought Him Home. His Every Squeak Or Squawk We Were Sure Heralded Some Terrible Crisis; I Tested The Warmth Of Formulas From Dusk To Dawn, It Seemed. We Were So Germ-conscious My Wife Even Sterilized The Skin Of The Oranges Before Squeezing Them. How Firstborns Ever Survive Their Parents' Attentions Is Beyond Me. However, They Do, And He Did, And, In Spite Of Our Efforts, He Turned Out To Be Quite A Good Guy.

Enlightening Editorial Writers Is Even More Difficult Than Educating Educators.

People Who Say That Money Isn't The Most Important Thing In The World Are Usually Broke.

You Have To Come Up In The World Before It's Worthwhile For Those Worth Less To Put You Down.

On New York's Palm Restaurant: Their Steaks Are Often Good, But The Lobsters-with Claws The Size Of Arnold Schwarzenegger's Forearms-are As Glazed And Tough As Most Of The Customers.