It's Got Too Much Hard Work Slapping

I've Always Been Criticised For How Filthy My Material Is. Victoria Wood Said To Me Once, 'i Wish I Was A Bit Ruder, Like You,' And I Said, 'well, I Wish I Was A Bit Cleaner, Like You.'

Again, With Two Small Children It's Incredibly Hard To Commit Yourself To Anything Because You're Just Getting Interested In It And Someone Comes Along And Goes I Want Thomas The Tank Engine On, And Screams The Place Down Until You Put It On.

British Ferries Have Stopped Transporting Live Animals To The Continent. This Has Made It Very Difficult For England Fans To Get To Away Matches.

I Pay A Bit More Than Lip-service To Health: I Don't Eat Chips Or Pre-prepared Food, And It Might Be A Comedy Sacrilege To Admit I Do Like Vegetables, Fruit And Salad And Stuff.

I Like To Read My Diary Occasionally To Remind Myself What A Miserable, Alienated Old Sod I Used To Be.