It Was So Sweet Backstage, You Should

Despite A Lack Of Natural Ability, I Did Have The One Element Necessary To All Early Creativity: Naïveté, That Fabulous Quality That Keeps You From Knowing Just How Unsuited You Are For What You Are About To Do.

I Was Seeking Comic Originality, And Fame Fell On Me As A Byproduct.

Somewhere In The World Is...the World's Worst Doctor And He Could Be Yours.

Writer's Block Is A Fancy Term Made Up By Whiners So They Can Have An Excuse To Drink Alcohol.

I Opened The Show With This Line: "i Have Decided To Give The Greatest Performance Of My Life! Oh, Wait, Sorry, That's Tomorrow Night.