In Today's Republican Party, There's A Term

I Like Groaning. That Means That You're Not Pandering To Their Already Settled Prejudices.

Space Tourism Is God's Way Of Telling You You Aren't Spending Enough On Lap Dances, Baccarat And Cocaine.

Religion Is Defined As Belief In And Worship Of A Controlling Power And Atheism Is Precisely Not That.

Osama Bin Laden Put Out A New Video. The Timing Of This Video Has Some People Upset, Three Days Before We Vote. It Looks Like He's Trying To Influence The Election. And I'll Tell You, It's Not Going To Work. Americans Know Osama Bin Laden Does Not Pick Our President. The Supreme Court Does.

To Those People Who Say, 'my Father Is Alive Because Of Animal Experimentation,' I Say, 'yeah, Well, Good For You. This Dog Died So Your Father Could Live.' Sorry, But I Am Just Not Behind That Kind Of Trade-off.