In The United States, Anybody Can Be

In Football The Object Is For The Quarterback, Also Known As The Field General, To Be On Target With His Aerial Assault, Riddling The Defense By Hitting His Receivers With Deadly Accuracy In Spite Of The Blitz, Even If He Has To Use The Shotgun. With Short Bullet Passes And Long Bombs, He Marches His Troops Into Enemy Territory, Balancing This Aerial Assault With A Sustained Ground Attack That Punches Holes In The Forward Wall Of The Enemy's Defensive Line. In Baseball The Object Is To Go Home! And To Be Safe! I Hope I'll Be Safe At Home!

And What Can We Do To Silence These Christian Athletes Who Thank Jesus Whenever They Win, Never Mention His Name When They Lose? Not A Word. You Never Hear Them Say "jesus Made Me Drop The Ball." "the Good Lord Tripped Me Up Behind The Line Of Scrimmage." According To These Guys Jesus Is Undefeated, Meanwhile These Assholes Are In Last Place. Must Be Another One Of Those "miracles."

I Think The Warning Labels On Alcoholic Beverages Are Too Bland. They Should Be More Vivid. Here Are A Few I Would Suggest: "alcohol Will Turn You Into The Same Asshole Your Father Was."; "drinking Will Significantly Improve Your Chances Of Murdering A Loved One."; "if You Drink Long Enough, At Some Point You Will Vomit Up The Lining Of Your Stomach."; "use This Product And You May Wake Up In Morocco Wearing A Cowboy Suit And Tongue-kissing A Transmission Salesman."

Spirituality: The Last Refuge Of A Failed Human. Just Another Way Of Distracting Yourself From Who You Really Are.

Regarding Jam Sessions: Jazz Musicians Are The Only Workers I Can Think Of Who Are Willing To Put In A Full Shift For Pay And Then Go Somewhere Else And Continue To Work For Free.