In Russia We Only Had Two Tv

I Was A Comedian In Russia, And I Worked On The Cruise Ships There. I Met A Lot Of Americans, And They Were Laughing Even Though I Didn't Speak Their Language.

I Was Not Only Typecast As A Russian, But I Was Typecast As Yakov Smirnoff. This Is Understandable, And I Was Very Happy To Get The Roles, But It Would Be Nice To Be In A Movie Where I Could Be Someone Else.

I Like American Women. They Do Things Sexually Russian Girls Never Dream Of Doing - Like Showering.

I Believe That Laughter Is A Language Of God And That We Can All Live Happily Ever Laughter.

In America, You Assassinate President. In Soviet Russia, President Assassinate You!