In Real Life, I Tend To Yell

I’m Busy Sorting Through Our New Collection Of Rhinestone Jewelry. Should Anyone Be In The Market For Sparkly Accessories The Size Of A Hubcap, This Is The Place To Get Them. Earlier Today, A Customer Picked Up One Of The Enormous Chandelier-style Offerings And Asked, 'do Those Be Genuine Rhimestones?' I Couldn’t Even Begin To Explain Everything That Was Wrong With Her Sentence, So I Simply Replied, 'yes. They Do Be Genuine.

The Best Thing About Being 45 Is Not Taking Myself So Seriously. Do I Miss The Package I Came In At 25? I Do. Gravity Is No One's Friend. Yet The Perspective I've Gained Is So Worth The Wear And Tear. What Would Have Mortified Me At 25 Is Now Simply Fodder For A Funny, Relatable Story. Also? I Was A Waitress At 25, And Now I'm An Author. Forty-five Is Definitely Better.

I Don't Care How Happily Married You Are Or How Deeply Enmeshed You Are With Your Children And Family And Career -- Every Woman Needs A Couple Of Chicks Who'll Break Out The Sangria Just Because You Need To Vent.

I'm Very Detail Oriented. I Think That's Why People Enjoy My Memoirs - Because I Tend To Remember Everything.

I Never Sleep On The Plane. I Have To Be Awake And Using My Mind Power To Keep It In The Air