I'm Too Cynical To Be An Optimist.

I Feel Like Every First Episode Of A Tv Show Is Bad, You Know, And It Always Improves.

My Girlfriend Is Despicable. I Just Found Out She Flirted With My Brother, During My Mom's Funeral, While I Was Asleep.

I Don't Have Much Racial Stuff In My Act. And No One's Ever Really Threatened Me To My Face. Threats On The Internet Don't Bother Me So Much.

One Of My Favorite Things On The Show Was Just Getting To Do My Own Monologue And Talking About Someone Who Killed Themselves, Or Making A Joke About Some Horrible Tragedy - I Love Being Able To Fight For And Get On Tv. I Just Think It's So Different.

Watching Soccer Just Makes Me Wish I Was Watching Foosball.