I'm Terrible At Heights. I Hate It.

I Have To Stop Crying When I Watch "the View". It's Not Because Of The Topics At Hand, I Just Feel Sorry For That Couch.

I Just Try To Keep Myself A Traditionalist. I Liked Being An Underground Comic Doing My Thing. I Want To Maintain That. I Just Do.

My Headshot Is A Scratch And Sniff, It Smells Like Failure And Onions.

I Think If You Come Out To California Trying To Be An Actor, It's Pretty Hard. There's Desperation. A Lot Of People Are Desperate, And A Lot Of People Are Clueless, Including Me. It's Hard To Try To Figure It Out. I've Never Told You, But I Have Head Shots That If You Saw Them... They're So Terrible! It's So Embarrassing.

My Stand-up Is More Like How I Am In Real Life. I Don't Really Do A Character Thing In Stand-up. It's Just A Bunch Of Sentences That Are Supposed To Be Funny.