I'm So Much More Famous Than I

The Basic Thing Is, People Want To Get Paid, So They'll Say The Things That Get Them Paid, In Entertainment Or Politics.

Self-esteem Is The Goddamn Root Of All Evil.

I Say I'm The Only Serious Comedian In The Presidential Race. And I'd Like To Take This Opportunity To Ask Both Romney And Obama To Debate Me. Because I Think That Both Of Those Guys - I Think That The American People Are Being Given A False Choice, Because The Choice Between The Lesser Of Two Evils Is A False Choice.

My Husband Says, 'god, Roseanne, I Can't Remember The Last Time We Had Sex.' Well, I Can, And That Is Why We Ain't Doing It.

I Know How To Do Anything, I'm A Mom.