I'm Not Unattractive, But I'm Not A

I Look At Improvising As A Prolonged Game Of Chess. There's An Opening Gambit With Your Pawn In A Complex Game I Have With One Character, And Lots Of Side Games With Other Characters, And Another Game With Myself - And In Each Game You Make All These Tiny, Tiny Moves That Get You To The Endgame.

I Don't Text, I Don't Have A Blackberry. Literally, I Just Have A Cell Phone That I Haven't Programmed And The Whole Bluetooth. No. I Don't Even Have An Earpiece For My Cell Phone.

I Had, Like, Two Goals In My Career: One Was To Try To Get Into 'second City.' When I Moved To Chicago, My Goal Was To Try To Work At 'second City.' And Beyond That, My Goal Was To Make Enough Money As An Actor To Not Do Anything Else But Act, Not Have To Go And Wait Tables Again.

As Soon As You Start To Talk About Your Own Mannerisms, You Are Screwed. Because If You Are Aware Of Your Own Mannerisms, Or Beyond That Even What Makes Any One Thing Funny To People, I Really Ascribe To That That If You Start Deconstructing It Too Much, It Is Immediately Not Funny.

Goalies Almost Never Get Credit For Winning A Game, But They Always Get Blamed For Losing A Game.