I'm Not Lazy. I'm Simply Judicious About

I Never Ever, Ever Say Anything Against My Husband To Anyone Except My Husband. Everyone Gets In Fights, And I Think The Natural Propensity For Women Is, 'oh I Want To Talk To Someone.' But The Minute You Take What Bothers You Outside The Bond Between You And Your Husband, You Let Someone Else Into The Relationship And That Causes A Wedge.

As I Examine My Life Through This Book, I Can't Help But Wonder If My Mother Was Right. Maybe I Really Was What I Ate. And Maybe If She'd Let Me Eat A Little More Sugar, I'd Have Come Out Sweeter.

Amen,' I Exclaim, Accidentally Spitting Out A Raisinet. I Pick Up The Chocolate With A Kleenex And Stuff It In My Purse. Ten Bucks Says A Month From Now I'll Have Forgotten About It And Will Finally Have Said Heart Attack When I Assume A Rat Shat In There.

Really? If I Could Hate My Trainer? That Would Be Ideal. I'd Prefer To Despise This Person With The Fire Of Ten Thousand Suns. So When I Walk - Nay, Crawl - Out Of Here At The End Of My Workouts, I Want To Lull Myself To Sleep By Picturing My Very Talented And Inspirational Trainer Getting Hit By A Bus. A Bus That I Am Driving.

The Best Thing About Being 45 Is Not Taking Myself So Seriously. Do I Miss The Package I Came In At 25? I Do. Gravity Is No One's Friend. Yet The Perspective I've Gained Is So Worth The Wear And Tear. What Would Have Mortified Me At 25 Is Now Simply Fodder For A Funny, Relatable Story. Also? I Was A Waitress At 25, And Now I'm An Author. Forty-five Is Definitely Better.