I'm Not Going To Lie To You

Don't Do Drugs To Be Cool, Do 'em Because You Hate Yourself.

Historically, A Successful Life In Comedy Is A Dream That's As Equally Pondered And Unpursued As Being An Astronaut.

I Once Dealt With A Prima Donna On A Movie Set. I Won't Say Who, But His First Name Is A Country. A Communist Country. Run By Fidel Castro.

I Had A Career Before The Stern Show, On Mad Tv. I Was On The First Two Seasons Of That And I Got Kicked Off It Because Of Possession Of Cocaine.

'course The World Of Sports Takes Itself Way Too Serious. Sports Writers Are All High And Mighty.