I'm Not A Person Who Carries My

President Obama Told The Irish People That America Will Always Stand By Them, To Which Israel Laughed.

If You're A Car Salesman, And Someone Says "this Is A Terrible Car, I'm Not Buying It," It Doesn't Mean They Hate You. They Just Don't Like Your Product. I Think That's A Mistake A Lot Of People In Show Business Make.. They're So Tied To Their Act They Take Everything Personally.

Show Business Pays You A Lot Of Money, Because Eventually You’re Gonna Get Screwed.

The Obama Administration Has Revealed The Size Of America's Nuclear Arsenal. We Have 1,000 Warheads Aimed At China, 1,000 Aimed At Russia, And The Rest Aimed At Fox News.

They Determined Who Got The First Question By A Coin Toss, To Which Sarah Palin Said, 'oh, What A Coincidence, That's How I Got Picked.'