I'm Not A Big Birthday Guy; I

What You Don't Do, If You're An Adult, Is Decide That You're Going To Budget Things Through A Sequester. What Does That Word Have To Do With Budgeting? It's Like If You Have A Family Budget And Go, 'we Really Don't Know What To Take Out Economically From The Budget, So We're Going To Whack Out Protein For This Week.'

If You Want To Get An Audience Quiet, Just Say "abortion" And Everybody Shuts Up And The Tension In The Room Is Spectacular.

I Think That I Don't Panic As Much As The Folks On The Left Or The Right Do. I Don't Have That Sense Of Panic.

I Was Broke Until I Was 40. Really Broke. I Could Get By, But I Had Nothing. No Health Insurance, So If Something Happened I Was Screwed. I Was Lucky My Parents Had Money And My Brother Was Willing To Support Me For A Long Time. Once I Started Doing Standup, I Had An Income, And That Was Amazing To Me.

You Realize That For All The Shenanigans That Go On In The Big Circus Of Politics, Everybody Wakes Up And Goes To Work.