I'm Kind Of Obsessed With Food. I

You Want What You Can't Have. And If Someone's Being Shitty To You, Just Move On. If Someone's Being Shitty To You, No Matter How Great They Are, That's Shitty, And You Don't Want Be With Someone Who Treats You Shitty.

I Have A Couple Of 'doing Caps' In My Wallet. That's What I Call Condoms.

Do It Under The Influence Yourself! That's What We're Shooting For! Get Drunk And Make Your Dreams Come True.

Comedians Don't Have Hits. You Have To Have A Whole Brand-new Hour. You Have No Hits To Rely On.

You Should Really Treat Stand-up Like You Would A Play. It's A One-man Play.