I'm A Selective Pack Rat. There's Some

I Was So Drunk, I Thought A Tube Of Toothpaste Was Astronaut Food.

Anyone Can Memorize Facts And Figures. The Real Way To Learn Anything Is To Go Out And Experience It. Let Your Curiosity Lead You.

Often Times I'm Confronted With A Quote That I Don't Remember Saying. So, On One Hand It's Very Flattering, It Is Just So Surreal.

I Guess Ultimately A Lot Of Comedians Just Wanna Be Taken Seriously.

Before You Marry A Person, You Should First Make Them Use A Computer With Slow Internet To See Who They Really Are.