I'm A Hard Act To Follow, Because

People Teach Their Dogs To Sit; It's A Trick. I've Been Sitting My Whole Life, And A Dog Has Never Looked At Me As Though He Thought I Was Tricky.

Every Time I Go And Shave, I Assume There's Someone Else On The Planet Shaving. So I Say, 'i'm Gonna Go Shave, Too.'

If You Want To Talk To Me After The Show, I'd Be Surprised.

A Lollipop Is A Cross Between Hard Candy And Garbage.

I Drank Some Boiling Water Because I Wanted To Whistle.