I'm A Comedian, Not A Politician.

When You Do Television, There's More To Do, And When You Do New Television, There's A Lot More To Do, Especially When You Don't Have Partner. I Miss Not Having That Person.

Don’t Do Your Best, Do My Best.

I Give Women Two Types Of Orgasms. Fake And None.

My Mom Was On Welfare And The Occasional Food Stamp, But I Have Never Participated In Any Of Those Governmental Programs, Even The Ones That Kind Of Work Like Education, Scholarships And Whatever, And I Managed To Do Just Fine.

What We Used To Settle With Common Sense Or A Fist, We Settle With Hand Sanitizer And Lawyers.