If You're Famous Enough, The Rules Don't

Eric Schmidt Looks Innocent Enough, With His Watercolor Blue Eyes And His Tiny Office Full Of Toys And His Google Campus Stocked With Volleyball Courts And Unlocked Bikes And Wheat-grass Shots And Cereal Dispensers And Haribo Gummi Bears And Heated Toilet Seats And Herb Gardens And Parking Lots With Cords Hanging To Plug In Electric Cars.

Paul Ryan, Who Teamed Up With Akin In The House To Sponsor Harsh Anti-abortion Bills, May Look Young And Hip And New Generation, With His Ipod Full Of Heavy Metal Jams And His Cute Kids. But He's Just A Fresh Face On A Taliban Creed - The Evermore Antediluvian, Anti-women, Anti-immigrant, Anti-gay Conservative Core. Amiable In Khakis And Polo Shirts, Ryan Is The Perfect Modern Leader To Rally Medieval Republicans Who Believe That Adam And Eve Cavorted With Dinosaurs.

The Mormons Even Baptized Anne Frank. It Took Ernest Michel, Then Chairman Of The American Gathering Of Jewish Holocaust Survivors, Three Years To Get Mormons To Agree To Stop Proxy-baptizing Holocaust Victims.

Tweetin' Ain't Cheatin'.

Women Are Affected By Lunar Tides Only Once A Month; Men Have Raging Hormones Every Day.