If Your Mother Doesn't Remove The Marlboro

The Thing About That Singles Apartment Is You Never Had To Clean It Up... Until The Day You Got The Security Deposit Back. You're Arguing With The Landlord... 'no Sir, The Back Door Was Missing When We Moved In Here! The Pizzas Were Always On The Ceiling!'

You Know, I Remember Career Day In High School. I Remember Plumbers And Lawyers... I Don't Remember A Booth Where You Could Sign Up To Learn How To Shoot Chickens Out Of A Cannon At The Windshield Of An Airplane, 'cause There Would Have Been A Line At My School To Do That!

Nowadays You Can't Even Spank Your Kids. No, Gotta Give 'em A Time Out. My Dad Would Take Time Out Of His Busy Day... To Whip Our Ass.

If Your Idea Of A 7 Course Meal Is A Bucket Of Kfc And A Sixpack, You Might Be A Redneck.

You Might Be A Redneck If You Own All The Components Of Soap On A Rope Except The Soap.