If You Wanna Get Away With Murder,

A Comedian Has To Live In His Head. All This Comedy Comes From A Lonely Place. When You're Surrounded By An Entourage, You're Not Living In Your Head.

Tomorrow Is More Sure Than Just About Anything Else In The Entire World.

I'll Go Back To Comedy Clubs When They Get A Real No-camera Policy, The Same Way They Did With Smoking.

The Thing About Barack Obama, Just From Being Around Him, Is He's Cooler Than The Other Politicians, But Just Nerdy Enough To Do The Job. Like You Can't Be Really Cool And Be The President.

The Democrats Should Have An Empty Chair On Stage For The Entire Dnc, And When Anyone Asks Who It Belongs To, They Can Say Osama Bin Laden.