If You Don't Think You're Funny, No

And Since We're All Adults Here, Let's Be Brutally Honest-most Babies Are Not Actually Attractive. In Fact, They're Weird And Freakish Looking. A Large Percentage Of Them Are Squinty-eyed And Bald And Their Faces Are All Mushed Toegther, Kind Of Like Renee Zellweger Pushed Up Against A Glass Window.

Russell Brand Has Announced That He Plans To Write A Series Of Children's Books. First Up: 'horton Hears A Heroin Dealer.'

I Wish I Had A Twin, So I Could Know What I'd Look Like Without Plastic Surgery.

I Can't Wear Yellow Anymore. It's Too Matchy-matchy With My Catheter.

A Child Can Be Taught Not To Do Certain Things, Such As Touch A Hot Stove, Pull Lamps Off Of Tables, And Wake Mommy Before Noon.