If You Desire Praise Or Esteem, Endeavor

I Just Like Doing Standup, That's All I'm Interested In Or Good At.

Chastity Is Oftener Owing To Diffidence And Shame, Than To Fortitude Of Reason Or Virtue.

I Always Told Everybody The Perfect Joke Would Be Where The Setup And Punch Line Were Identical.

I Started On 'saturday Night Live' The Same Time Conan Started On 'late Night.' We Just Had A Relationship Because I Would Be Upstairs In The Studio And Whenever He Couldn't Get A Guest - Which Was Often Back Then Since He Was Just Starting Out - He Would Just Call Me Down To Be A Guest.

This Is A Thing I Read By A Scientist... It Said Scientists Now Say That A Man Thinks About Sex Once Every 7.3 Seconds. Now, I Know What I Think Every 7.3 Seconds. It's Just A Bunch Of Meaningless Gibberish.