If I Hadn't Done This I Might

It Probably Says Something Really Clinically Terrible About My Character That I Need To Get Up On A Stage And Go 'ra Ra Ra' In Front Of People.

So Here Are Some Foolproof Recipes For Those Of You Who Understand The True Function Of Food. Bean Treat: Gingerly Pour Four Fluid Oz Of Beans Or Something Into A Jug. Cry. Eat The Beans From The Jug And Pour The Rest From The Can Down Your Throat. N.b. These Taste Better If They Belong To Somebody Else In Your House. Pain Au Dunk: Fists Of Bread, Rent From The Loaf And Dunked Into Anything Runnier Than Bread. Should Eat At Least Six Of These Because…you Should. Don’t Toast The Bread. Toast Is Cookery.

‎what's The Weather Like? ... It's Fierce Mild!

Love In All Its Forms Is Very Difficult ... To Express. It Changes, Obviously. If You’re Young, And You’re Romantically In Love With Somebody, And Often If You’ve Just Met Somebody, Its Crazy! It’s Completely Overwhelming. You Can’t Think Of Anything Else. You Just Want To Climb Inside The Other Person And Live Under Their Pancreas. And Then It Mellows, Somewhat... To The Point Where You Can Barely Look At Them... Without Feeling A Mild Distaste

Stand-up Came Naturally To Me Because People In Ireland Talk. But That's Not Talking On Panel Shows; It Is Structured Fun. It Reminds Me Of Some Tragic Aunt Clapping Her Hands And Bouncing Into A Room And Announcing We Should All Play Games... And If We Don't We Are All A Rotten Spoilsport.