If I Had A Billion Dollars I

Retarded Kids Are The Best. When They Ask For An Autograph I Just Fake Sign A Picture And Tell Them That It's In Invisible Ink And It Will Show Up Later. They Totally Buy It. It Saves Me A Fortune In Markers.

At First, I Didn't Really Care If Global Warming Existed. But Then I Realized It Means That Less Bums Would Freeze To Death In The Winter

Complete Garbage. It's Like Garden State, But In Outer Space.

It Raises Several Serious Questions. For Example, How Can There Possibly Be More Than One Person As Awesome As Me?

If Democrats Want To Start Winning Elections In This Country, They're Going To Have To Start Connecting With Voters As Well As I Connect With My Fans.