I'd Never Hurt Another Person.

Well, Guys Are Better At Mechanical Stuff And Women Are Better At Emotional Stuff.

As I Said In My Last Book, Birds Are Mean. They're The Only Pet That, When They Escape, The Owners Are Relieved. You Can Tell A Species Is Evil By Doing This Simple Math. If My Blond Lab Molly Was The Size Of T-rex, That Would Just Mean More Kibble, More Work For The Gardener In The Backyard, And A Harder Time Moving Her To My Wife's Side Of The Bed At Night. If Birds Were The Size Of A T-rex, The Streets Would Be Littered With Human Remains.

You Shouldn't Be Eating Anything That Takes Six Minutes To Microwave.

Honestly, I've Always Had Difficulty Relaxing, Unwinding And Going To Bed - That Kind Of Stuff.

I've Never Not Finished A Masturbatory Session Or A Pizza. Those Are The Two Things I've Never Left Behind.