I Would Love To Play Simon Cowell

Once A Person Has A Child, The First Question Everyone Asks Is: "are You Going To Have More Children?" But It Basically Means: "are You Going To Have More Sex With Your Wife In The Hopes Of Having Children?

What About Santa's Cookies? I Suppose 'parents' Eat Those, Too?

Whenever Someone Calls Me Ugly I Get Super Sad And Hug Them, Because I Know How Tough Life Is For The Visually Impaired.

I'm A Panicked Karaoke Participant Because I Am Always Searching For A Song In The Moment. I Don't Have My Go To Song. I Will Be Driving Along And I Will Be Like, "that Should Be My Karaoke Song!" And Then I Forget What Song It Is.

Facebook Is Like Jail, You Sit Around And Waste Time, You Write On Walls And You Get Poked By People You Don't Know