I Would Have Changed My Last Name

Did You Ever Wake Up With An Erection...and Find Yourself In A Massage Chair At Brookstone? And You Yell To The Sales Clerk "i'll Take It!"

Fat Jokes To Me Are Always, Always Hilarious, As Long As They're Done Towards Yourself.

Actually, I Used To Be A Busboy In A Strip Joint In New York And So I Hate Strip Joints. I'm Not That Kind Of Person.

I Get Burned Out On Standup. But I Like Acting. I Do Like It. But Sometimes You Just Feel Like A Monkey. You Just Feel Like A Complete Tool. But I Like It. I Do Like It. Stand-up Is Just More Free. A Lot More Freedom Because You Just Do What You Want To Do.

I Love Playing A Curmudgeon. I Just Love Playing A Sour Guy.