I Was Raised On Nbc Television.

'i Want To Touch People But If I Touch Them In Real Life They'll Slap Me.' That's What Writing Isit's A Gross Person Getting A Hug.

Everything I Do, In The Middle Of It, I Lose All Objectivity. The Business Of Comedy Is Kind Of Ridiculous In That Respect. Your Job Is To Have A Lot Of Fun In A Jar, Then Sell It. There's Something Inherently Illogical And Impossible About That, But That Being Said, This Is As Good As It Gets.

Wake Up In The Morning And Say, 'i Refuse To Be A Hack,' And See What Happens By The End Of The Day.

I've Never Done Well When I've Been Appreciated. I've Done Best When I'm Targeted For Death.

Everyone Knows That There Are More People Watching Any Given Show Than Is Being Registered By The Nielsen System.