I Was Going To Start Off Tonight

America Online Customers Are Upset Because The Company Has Decided To Allow Advertising In Its Chat Rooms. I Can See Why: You Got Computer Sex, You Can Download Pornography, People Are Making Dates With 10 Year-olds. Hey, What's This? A Pepsi Ad? They're Ruining The Integrity Of The Internet!

Jack Abramoff Is Going To Testify Against Some Of The Other Weasels In Congress. A Lobbyist Testifying Against Congressmen? How Many Bibles Are Going To Burst Into Flames In That Courtroom?

A Lot Of American Companies Are Now Moving Into Iraq. Iraq Now Has Pizza Hut, Subway, Taco Bell And Popeye's Fried Chicken. So, Great, Instead Of Oil For Food, We're Giving Them Oil In Food.

President Bush Spent The Day Calling Names He Couldn't Pronounce In Countries He Never Knew Existed.

President Obama Was In India Yesterday Visiting Our Jobs. Tomorrow He Goes To China To Visit Our Money.