I Was Busier Than A Beaver In

I Keep Hearing The Argument That Some Things Are Constitutional While Other Things Are Not. The Idea Is That We Should Be In Favor Of All The Things That Were Decided Over 200 Years Ago By A Bunch Of Slave-owning Cross-dressers Who Pooped In Holes.

I Calculated The Total Time That Humans Have Waited For Web Pages To Load. It Cancels Out All The Productivity Gains Of The Information Age. Sometimes I Think The Web Is A Big Plot To Keep People Like Me Away From Normal Society.

In Less Enlightened Times, The Best Way To Impress Women Was To Own A Hot Car. But Women Wised Up And Realized It Was Better To Buy Their Own Hot Cars So They Wouldn't Have To Ride Around With Jerks.

Most Success Springs From An Obstacle Or Failure. I Became A Cartoonist Largely Because I Failed In My Goal Of Becoming A Successful Executive.

I'm Predicting That We'll Finally Have A Computer Will Search My E-mail Automatically And Delete Every Message That Begins With 'thought You'd Be Interested,' And Then Give An Electrical Shock To The Sender To Remind Him Or Her To Stop Send That Kind Of Message.