I Was Bused To A School In

Being A Comedian Is A Lot Like Being An Athlete. If You're Carl Lewis And You're The Fastest, Then No Matter What You're The Fastest.

Community College Is Like A Disco With Books: "here's Ten Dollars; Let Me Get My Learn On!"

Hollywood's Just Not Funny.

I Don't Get High, But Sometimes I Wish I Did. That Way, When I Messed Up In Life I Would Have An Excuse. But Right Now There's No Rehab For Stupidity.

I Think Anybody In Front Of A Crowd Is A Comedian.