I Want To Thank My Parents For

Seriously, I've Just Realized That Almost Everyone Is A Fraud, So I Try Not To Feel Too Bad About It.

Let's Review The Cost-free Techniques That We've Learned So Far For Raising An Achievement-oriented, Obedient, Drug-free, Virgin Adult: Calamity, Praise, Local Theater, And Flat Feet. Another Key Element Is "strong Father Figure / Fear Thereof."

The Person Closest To Actually Achieving This Look Is Kim Kardashian, Who, As We Know, Was Made By Russian Scientists To Sabotage Our Athletes. Everyone Else Is Struggling.

I Don't Like A Tremendous Amount Of Conflict. I Don't Think That Fighting And Passion Are The Same Thing.

I Became Immersed In The Cult Of Improvisation. I Was Like One Of Those Athletes Trying To Get Into The Olympics. It Was All About Blind Focus. I Was So Sure That I Was Doing Exactly What I'd Been Put On This Earth To Do, And I Would Have Done Anything To Make It Onto That Stage.