I Want To See Your Tailpipe Fading

When Something Needs To Be Ironed I Put It In The Ironing Basket. If A Year Goes By And The Item Is Still In The Basket I Throw The Item Away. This Is A Good System Since Eventually I End Up Only With Clothes That Don’t Need Ironing.

Ranger Declined The Butterscotch Pudding, Not Wanting To Disrupt The Consistency Of His Blood Sugar Level. I Had Two Puddings And Coffee, Choosing To Keep My Pancreas At Peak Performance. Use It Or Lose It Is My Philosophy.

When I Was Six Years Old I Sprinkled Sugar On My Head, Convinced Myself It Was Pixie Dust, Wished Myself Invisible, And Walked Into The Boys' Bathroom At School.

Wondering Where Ranger Was Now, When I Needed Him. Why Wasn’t He Here, Insisting On Locking Me Up In A Safe House? Now That My Hamster’s Cage Was Clean, I’d Be Happy To Oblige.

Some People Learn From Books, Some Listen To The Advice Of Others, Some Learn From Mistakes. I Fit Into The Last Category. So Sue Me.