If She Wasn't Your Grandmother I'd Shoot

He's Going To Jail. He Can't See. He Can't Hear. He Can't Take A Leak That Lasts Under Fifteen Minutes. But He Has An Erection And All The Other Problems Are Small Change. Next Time Around I'm Coming Back As A Man. Priorities Are Clearly Defined. Life Is Simple.

The Note Said The First Clue Was "in The Big One." I Looked At The Jumble Of Letters That Followed, And I Saw No Pattern. Not Such A Surprise, Since I Was Missing The Puzzle Chromosome And Couldn't Do Puzzles Designed For Nine-year-olds.

Romance Novels Are Birthday Cake And Life Is Often Peanut Butter And Jelly. I Think Everyone Should Have Lots Of Delicious Romance Novels Lying Around For Those Times When The Peanut Butter Of Life Gets Stuck To The Roof Of Your Mouth.

When You Get Ready To Write Your Novel, Outline It First. There's Nothing Worse Than Getting Halfway Through And Realizing You've Painted Yourself In A Plot Corner.

When I Was Six Years Old I Sprinkled Sugar On My Head, Convinced Myself It Was Pixie Dust, Wished Myself Invisible, And Walked Into The Boys' Bathroom At School.