I Used To Drink Wine. This Girl

My Roommate Says, "i'm Going To Take A Shower And Shave. Does Anyone Need To Use The Bathroom?" It's Like Some Weird Quiz Where He Reveals The Answer First.

Has Anyone Seen Me On Letterman? Two Million People Watch That Show And I Don't Know Where They Are. You Might Have Seen This Next Comedian On The Late Show, But I Think More People Have Seen Me At The Store. That Should Be My Introduction. "you Might Have Seen This Next Comedian At The Store," And People Would Say "hell Yes I Have!"

I Was Going To Stay Overnight At My Friend's House - He Said, "you'll Have To Sleep On The Floor." Damn Gravity! You Don't Know How Bad I Wanted To Sleep On The Wall.

I Find That A Duck's Opinion Of Me Is Influenced By Whether Or Not I Have Bread. A Duck Loves Bread, But He Does Not Have The Capability To Buy A Loaf. That's The Biggest Joke On The Duck Ever. If I Worked At A Convenience Store, And A Duck Came In And Stole A Loaf Of Bread, I Would Let Him Go. I'd Say, "come Back Tomorrow, Bring Your Friends!" When I Think Of A Duck's Friends, I Think Of Other Ducks. But He Could Have, Say, A Beaver In Tow.

If You Have To Release Bad News To The Public, It Would Help If You Are Not Ugly.